We started our week off by asking if you have your personal house in order so that you won’t be an obstacle for someone else. For that is the last thing we want to be: that person who keeps others from growing. This was one of the toughest things for me over the years. Finally one day I woke up and decided to start living my life. And I began telling others that they needed to get up and live the life they were given.
The other subject we discussed this week was obstacles we create ourselves, internal things that could keep us from reaching our own goals. Some of them are brought on by things we do to ourselves; others are just a twist of fate, like health issues we talked about yesterday.
Well, today we are going to cover how to handle those obstacles that are caused willfully by others and those that are accidental. Willful obstacles could be an action that gives you a mental block, or it could be an action that causes you to have a physical obstacle in your life. Basically, we’re talking about abuse. Accidents are, of course, accidents, but that doesn’t change the fact that they can cause you to have physical obstacles. I will address both these issues here.
First, many relationships today are strained due to different kinds of abuse. Some abuse causes mental and emotional suffering; sometimes physical abuse is added. The physical part heals over time and you can sometimes get back to normal. But the complexities of mental and emotional abuse caused by others leave a much more lasting impression on our lives. I have met many people with these challenges in their lives. As a matter of fact, in today’s world I’m finding fewer people who do not have some sort of mental damage from past abuse.
Some people who abuse do not do it knowingly. They are just living their lives selfishly and have no idea that what they said or the actions they took left an scar on someone else. They left and went on with their lives. They are doing just fine; you are not. You have held onto this scar and have made it worse on yourself for doing so. I know it’s not easy to do what I’m going to suggest in today’s tips, but it’s the only way.
The people who are abusive by nature also may not know better – or rather, they may not think there is any reason to change their behavior. They are going to be that way no matter what you do or say, and for your own health, you must remove yourself from them and set up boundaries that keep them from being able to abuse you more. If you are having a problem with someone abusing you GET HELP. Find help in a church, shelter, or a friend to get you out of this dangerous situation first; once you’re safe, you can look at what to do next.
The second situation in which people can cause an obstacle in your life is through an accident. Accidents happen in life. Maybe you were in a car accident that left you with a physical ailment that you must live with. My seizures were created by a head injury earlier in the day, although the doctors believed that issues in my brain just made the hit to the head activate this process and make it permanent. Regardless of the exact circumstances around the accident, the bottom line is you’ve been hurt as a result of something that just happened.
These are areas that really are not caused on purpose, but we live in a world where people make mistakes and they cause others to have setbacks from those mistakes. We need to move forward towards our goals even after these events happen. Or, we may need to find a new dream, find a new goal, grab a new passion to move ourselves forward. Today I’m going to leave you with steps to get past them and move forward with a new goal and growth plan.
- Identify the offense. Whether someone did it on purpose, or it was accidental you have put your finger on what has been causing this obstacle. This is not the time to head back in time and create a revenge plot. It’s time to fix this and move forward. Before you can move forward you have to know what the offense is that is holding you back.
- Forgive the offense. It does not matter if they did it on purpose or it was an accident, you are the one who is holding on to it. They have moved forward to make a new life for themselves and most likely forgotten it. The step of forgiveness doesn’t require you to have contact with the person. You are the one who needs to forgive and forgiveness is for you, not for them.
- Create a new foundation to build from. This could be a personal affirmation statement that helps you to rebuild your life. Or a personal mission statement that creates the new you. Whatever form it takes, make it a foundation in your life to build a new person, set a new dream, and create goals to reach in your life.
- Get a goal plan into action. Set a plan to reach your new goals. Make it a process, start small, and work towards bigger goals. When you finally start on this process many people jump to big goals, big plans too quickly. It’s as if they are too focused on making up lost time. Resist that temptation by taking it small to start and working your way up.
I help people all the time and these are a few foundational things to get you past what has kept you down for so long in life. While the topics early this week were about you causing your own stumbling blocks, today is about getting past those caused by others. I hope this plan gets you started again.
I’m Tim Gillette, the Rocker Life Coach. It’s time for you to Live the life you always wanted; Love what you do and those you get to share life with. Let’s make a plan to help you become the RockStar in your world.